Take back your life

The day you want to change for someone is the day you lose yourself. Change for your own growth and not as a distorted notion that someone will love you if you are a certain way.

I know it's hard not to feel insecure when you are in tune to your weaknesses. Then you have to deal with rejection and comparison. It's a recipe for self-doubt and a major blow to your self-esteem. I know it feels like hell.

I find there are only two things you must do:

Remove yourself from the situation. When your self-worth is in danger. Save yourself. Run! It's non-negotiable. We often learn it the hard way. We push and try to wring the connection dry as a sad attempt to experience something that wasn't there from the beginning. We go rock bottom - no - scratch that, we were the dirt beneath the layer of dust underneath the rock. We had nothing left because we gave all our love away even our dignity and self-respect.

Take back your life and grow it to something you're proud of. Improve on your strengths, fix your weaknesses, and keep on learning. The only approval you will always need is your own.

I am going to take back my life. I am my own savior, my own hero, the fierce protagonist of my own triumphant story. I'm a heroine who didn't wait around to be saved. :)

What I'm reading:

To The Women Whose Lives Are Not Love Stories
It’s Time To Take Your Life Back From What Broke You

Just make Art Vol.01

When it comes to art, I am satisfied with the role of a spectator. However I do believe we are capable of making art only for ourselves. As an avenue to create what was once only a thought. :)

Here is my attempt at drawing a wood pattern. I need to draw this in pen next time. You can barely see it. >.<

Oh look! I found this at Booksale. Love it when I find treasures like this. So I will leave you with words from Andy Warhol: "Don't think about making art, just get it done. Let everyone else decide if it's good or bad, whether they love it or hate it."

Focus on the journey

"Focus on the journey and not the destination". How often have we heard this. Sometimes words come to us but we only fully comprehend it until we badly need its wisdom. Since I started changing my life, I became the kind of person obsessed with goals and adventures. I have a list for everything. I find fulfillment in ticking them off one by one. While we should definitely aim for goal-oriented adventures, most of the time I get so preoccupied with success and reaching a goal that I forget I should also be placing equal importance towards learning and personal growth.

We must never hinge our self-worth on that one final goal. We are always changing. We are endlessly creating ourselves. Therefore our goals and our methods should be just as flexible. :)

What I'm reading:

The Problem with being goal-oriented

Summer wandering

My (summer) wandering actually started last February. Right after the Hot Air Balloon Fiesta, my friends and I went on a road trip to Zambales.

I am endlessly creating myself

These days I devour words like a madman. I find peace in the thought that I'm taking steps to make good changes in my life. My goal is to be a better version of myself. Of course there should be an equal amount of action too that is why I can't wait to start with my goals and plans for April until July.

I'm sure there will be days of struggle and lack of motivation. I used to resent these moments but now I find they are the times I need to fight harder. I am made stronger in times of difficulty. Self-doubt is my current greatest struggle. Since I am taking a different path than most people perceive as normal, it's hard to stay unaffected when I see their blank faces (especially when it comes from my family). I need to learn not to be so defensive all the time. After all I don't need to explain my choices nor seek their approval. It is my life and I am confident in my dreams. :)

© Wings - Art by Raphael Louis Reyes

Chase the Sun

Welcome Summer 2015! Can you feel it?! Beach weather has definitely settled in.~

I admit I don't usually enjoy summer because I get terrible migraines and my skin condition becomes all the more prominent. This time though I want to enjoy it. There is much to see and to accomplish.

I'm thinking of wandering a bit more. Another beach maybe or a culture tour? Also, come May, I'll be joining a 10k marathon. I haven't had any training in months! *haha* I'm so unfit. I discovered just how unfit I am when we did an Amazing Race as finals exam for my Nihongo class. It was funny but also very alarming. I thought I was going to pass out! It's about time I start working out again. Not just that, running helps my mind focus. Suddenly everything seems possible.

I am going to be stronger. Instead of hiding safely in the shadows, I will chase the sun. I will master the chaos inside me :).