Plant update #4

I went walking around Manila Seedling Bank last Sunday. So many blooming plants! Once again I started to dream where I'm going to put them if I had a farm garden or even a balcony sized one.



Yes I killed my plants again so I bought new ones. *sobs* Anyway I know what not to do. I hope they stay alive longer.

Undercurrents

This book has been sitting on my book shelf for half a year before I finally had the courage to open it. I was afraid that any mention or description of this darkness is a sure pull into its depths. Undercurrents: A Life Beneath the Surface by Dr. Martha Manning is a memoir of the author's descent into and out of depression. It is a personal account. There are no advice or tips on how to rid yourself of this disease. For me at least, it's like meeting someone who understand exactly how I feel.



I've thought long and hard if I should share this here. As much as possible I want heyladyspring to be my place of happiness but the truth is I'm not always bright and shiny. I have many identities on the internet and most of them are...well...not so happy.

I feel it's time though. I feel lucid.



I realize that everything in life changes by how we look at them but sometimes sad things are just sad. One sad thing after another piling up. Somehow you get tired thinking of happy thoughts and being all positive. Then you reach a point where you're just too tired. My childhood no matter how fondly I talk about it, wasn't a very easy one. I was surviving then when I was in my second year of college, I developed a condition called PCOS. An emotional + physical problem, not a good combo! Why it took me 7 years to go to the doctor is a serious lapse of judgement. I should have had it treated sooner. PCOS is a hormone problem and it messes with your body and your head. I gained weight and suffered mild depression among others. I didn't go to a doctor for these either. I basically just learned to live with these for years.

I realized that I wasn't fighting this darkness hard enough. I need to help myself or ask for help. I truly feel that everything is going to be ok. I threw off most of the weight I gained and getting closer and closer to my ideal weight! *yeah!!* My mental state might need a bit of work. I am strong when I need to but I don't know if I'm ever going to be depression-free. From experience, it comes and it goes, often without warning. It's like being in a trance and waking up months after to discover that life passed me by without me noticing. It put a strain on my relationships but I'm thankful that when this recent struggle came to me my mind was already starting to clear up.

I'm still scared that the darkness will start creeping back into my heart again. But now I have hope and I have a little more faith in myself. :)

Life recently... #27

Sending everyone 'Happy Sunday' greetings from my home. :)

Sunshine fills my room today
The morrow brings a mellow haze
Never know if I should stay
I’ll leave it in the arms of another day

Instagram favorites #1: Corinne Tan

I can hear the sound of the crickets! Haha. I feel bad for neglecting this blog. :( Other than working on my goals this year, internet still eats up a huge chunk of my time.  (ﾉﾟοﾟ)ﾉ And my current time black hole is instagram. It's just so easy to get lost from one photo to another! (^-^;")ゞ

While it (instagram) is mostly used for normal daily-life updates, there are some who uploads truly inspiring works. Search the right tag and you will stumble into crafters, bloggers, and photographers who treat instagram as their private gallery. ･ﾟ★

These photos of Corinne Tan inspired me to finally work on my lightbox and use light-colored bed sheets. Maybe my room (and photos) will be a little less gloomy. v(￣ｰ￣)v

Film camera: 2013 gadget wishlist

You know how I always mention about getting a proper camera? (which usually translates into a DSLR one) Well I realized, nope I don't need one! I'm happy with the photos my phone, Ipad and Photoshop produces. I'm only a hobbyist and lack the skills for a pro camera. I do want to learn more about photography though so I'm going to learn the basics first.

Pentax K1000: Fit for beginner or student film photographers. Here's a review on this camera by Kenrockwell. Isn't it handsome?!

Fujifilm Instax mini 50s: Here's another handsome one. ♥ I've always wanted a polaroid type camera but I could not justify spending so much on expensive film when I don't really have a lot to photograph. Plus the 7s is too bulky for me. This year I'm going to do a lot of traveling and crafting so I'm finally getting this smaller and shinier 50s!

I know it's going to cost me a lot of money in the long run because of film and printing. In return these will teach me patience, force me to focus and be resourceful. ♪( ^-^)/

Channeling Haruki Murakami

"Encounters set in the witching hours of Tokyo between midnight and dawn" says the tagline of After Dark the first Murakami book I read. I have had periods in my life where I became overly introverted. I disliked being around people. It's too much for my senses so I sleep when everyone else is awake. I also acquired the habit of hanging out at 7/11 at 2AM in the morning a.k.a my vampire days. (* ^-^)  I knew it was a bad habit but I loved the feeling of walking on a deserted street pretending I was on a scene from Vanilla Sky. From time to time I still miss it but definitely not the physical and emotional side-effects. (^-^;")ゞ It's amazing how many books talk about this feeling, mostly books about insomniacs and their adventures. After Dark is one of his easy read books, recommended for a newbie Murakami reader.



His books talk about connections, solitude, and the kind of loneliness you get from trying to understand life and other people. Naturally, I'm hooked! Haha.

Life recently... #26 part 2

We're going back this summer and bringing along my friend "S". ( ﾟ 3ﾟ)~♪ First time in a long while that I'm looking forward to summer. I'm dreading the heat though. :(

Life recently... #26 part 1

Spent New Year's in Catanauan, Quezon province. Two weeks of sun, sea and fresh fish. (^_^)v

Having grown up in Nueva Ecija, going to the sea is a cause for huge celebration in my family. haha. It meant traveling to neighboring provinces like Pangasinan or La Union every summer.  The novelty has worn off for the beau though. All these (points to all the pictures) he has seen a thousand times already. He's amused by how excited I am ( >.<) every time I catch a glimpse of the sea. haha

Honestly~ I can live here forever!

My 2013 LIFE list

I have always believed in the beauty and power of words, more so now after the struggles I went through in 2012. I am truly happy and hopeful as the new year begins. (^-^)/

edited: February 09, 2013

Live

• follow the concept of Magic Jars by Miriam Quiambao
• find new sources of income
• reach my weight goal, 5 kg to go! :)
• widen my circle of friends (craft, running & travel buddies)
• invest on clothes (haha!)

Move

• visit 5 new places in the Philippines and at least 1 overseas
• join fun runs / improve my running distance and speed

Create

• make time for crafting
• practice ALL my craft hobbies
• use the craft materials I acquire
• join more handmade mail swaps
• learn and practice a new craft

Learn

• read 1 book per week
• join craft workshops
• learn to cook
• learn to play badminton
• learn swimming techniques

Let's all fulfill our dreams this 2013. :)